Joan: When he/she finally gets it

This material was referenced from Potty Training for Dummies, written by Diane Stafford and Jennifer Shoquist, M.D.

When that little hardcore balker finally gets a handle on his/her potty program -- and he/she will --be the first in line to congratulate them.

Check out those dry pants as often as possible right after she/he is trained, and let them know how proud you are of their efforts.

Keeping those rewards coming!

But don't dare heave a heavy sigh and assume you can slack off on the rewards. Not so fast. Hedge your bets by supplying a steady stream of good feedback: kudos from relatives, you're- such-a-big-kid acknowledgments from lead caregivers.

A child who is newly trained is still shaky, at best. So you have to reinforce the good stuff and make sure he/she stays trained.

Also, don't be too fast in proclaiming "great- you're done it!" Why? Simple. That may signal a second -wave protest; your toddler gets his/her back up and takes a new slant. like withholding bowel movements.

Saying, "I knew you could do it!"

Just because you feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from you shoulders -- thanks to her/him finally using the toilet -- don't assume that your child knows that you appreciate their efforts. What probably still looms large in your toddler's mind is how frustrated you seemed when he/she balked at using the potty- and when you switched gears and suddenly relinquished the reins entirely.

Clearly, he/she may be a bit confused by all of it. And, no doubt, she/he definitely needs you to jump in shower her/him with hugs and kisses and love declarations.

Naturally, if you try the ideas listed and your child continues to oppose potty training altogether, the see-your doctor definitely applies.

Do look forward to the completion of his/her potty training. But, don't make it your life. Then, one fine day, he/she will come to you and smillingly say, "Oui-oui, me wee!

A quiet celebration is in order. You don't need to break out the champagne; a simple spread of cookies and juice, served tea-party style, will do. Maybe an ice-cream drink.

Anyway, as you've surely guessed by now, most hardcore balker-kids are just channeling Frank Sinatra. Their mantra is -- and always will be -- "I did it my way."

My visit to a Montessori school -Joan

As I gather potty training tips for moms, what an ideal place to gather this type of information but at a school, so off I went! This particular school is located on the Upper West Side. I found that they were very proud to share the information. One thing that I have noticed is that there are many tips that you can try, however your child and you will ultimately decide the best tips that work the best for the two of you. So here goes:

* Commit to a plan. Arrange your schedule so that your child can spend most of his time at home near the bathroom (at least for the first week). Prepare yourself and accept that there will be many accidents, missteps, and changing of clothes. This is part of the process.

* Take your child to the store to choose the new underpants. Let him/her know that soon it will be time to wear underpants instead of diapers. Purchase enough underpants to allow for at least 8 to 10 changes per day.

* Take your child to the bookstore and choose books about using the toilet. Some suggested books might be Everybody Poops, Once Upon A Potty, and Lift the Lid, Use the Potty.

* Separate your diapers into "daytime" and "night-time" stacks. Allow your child to see that you are about to finish the last of the "daytime" diapers and it will be soon be time to wear the new underpants. Be sure to let your child see and celebrate that he/she is using the last daytime diaper! Once it is used, make the commitment that daytime diapers are gone forever.

* When ready to begin the process, remove your child's nighttime diaper and allow your child to sit on the toilet as soon as she/he wakes up when you think they may be having a bowel movement, before a bath, etc. If this is successful, allow them to flush.

* If possible, during this process, allow your child to wear minimal clothing (only underpants and a tee-shirt is perfect). Shorts and pants can be an obstacle to making it onto the toilet in a hurry and will only increase the the amount of clothing you will need to launder.

* Your child will have many accidents. They need to feel the sensation of urine running down their legs and some discomfort before they can be successful. When this happens, assure them by saying, "That's okay. You will soon learn to get the potty before you get wet. Let's get you into some dry underpants."

* Allow the child to remove the wet underpants, clean up (with a little help), and put on new underpants. You want to send want to send the message that you are only helping them to take care of their body all by themselves. Assist them in cleaning the floor or carpeting where the accident occurred. These are all lessons in cause and effect.

* It is important that you don't send the message that accidents are terrible mistakes, icky, gross etc. Try to use a calm voice with positive reassuring words.

* Stick with it. Eventually, even your child will tire of being wet and always changing clothes and cleaning up. All children can be toilet trained when adults are committed, positive, and consistent.

* Limit liquids before bed and tell your child to tell you if he/she needs to to use the toilet during the night.

Until next time!

- Joan