When my good friend Mark emailed me the job description for the Charmin Ambassadorship, he said, “Annie, I've found the perfect job for you!” I read the posting, and my first thought was: “Yes! I can do that! I AM extremely enthusiastic! And, I really, really like going to the bathroom!”
I put the date on my calendar and began asking friends what I should plan to do for the audition. Should I wrap myself in toilet paper like a mummy? Or completely coat myself in sparkles from head to toe? I thought about my colorful wig collection and wondered if any of those could help my situation. Would having purple hair help? The morning of the audition, I put on a silver sparkle dress, looked in the mirror, and decided that it wasn't right. I felt too cold in the strappy sleeveless outfit, and I decided that I had to be comfortable in order to be confident. I put a skirt instead, sprinkled just a tiny smidgen of sparkles on my face and headed toward the subway.
When I arrived at the Hilton Hotel on 53rd Street, I went straight to the bathroom (I really had to go), and I thought to myself, "Wow, I really AM qualified for this job!" I got a text from my friend, wishing me good luck. I wrote back, telling her about my sparkle wardrobe dilemma of the morning. She replied, "yes, but you're packing REAL sparkles on the inside!" That was a definite boost. I thought to myself, "Ok, I've GOT to sparkle from the inside out!" When I went upstairs, I was struck with the sheer number of people that were there. A guy at the door handed me a piece of paper with #401 written at the top, and told me that it would be a while. I looked for an empty chair to sit down -- there were rows and rows of people waiting. Some had cowboy outfits, costumes constructed from cardboard boxes, and homemade hats with feathers. It was an incredibly diverse group, so I sat and watched people practicing their toilet paper dance sequences.
After about four hours, they called my number and I hopped up in line with nine other people. We were escorted up the elevator to another hallway, with several lines at different doors. As I waited, I thought about what I was going to say during my 90-second opportunity. When the door opened, I was ushered into a room with a camera that was already rolling. I smiled a big, genuine smile. The man behind the table asked me questions in a disinterested voice, but I just kept sparkling as much as possible. From the inside, I felt a strong ray of actual, genuine confidence. I left the room with a card that said "Call Back!"
The next day, I wore sparkles on my face again, for good luck at the 2nd audition. This time, I spoke to the 7 people behind the table and the rolling camera about how much I love exploring bathrooms all over the world, and how I love talking to all sorts of different kinds of people -- really anyone and everyone! I really felt perfect for the job, but I knew that with hundreds of applicants, it was a long shot.
It was another whole week before Charmin called. When they offered me the job... I literally bounced off the wall! Really?! Me?! A toilet paper ambassador?! Just what I always wanted! I must say, I'm THRILLED!! I'm EXCITED!! I can't wait! My inner sparkle has been awakened!
- Annie
